Category Archives: Thoughts

Helping someone through baby loss – what to say and do

It’s #BabyLossAwarenessWeek which culminates in a wave of light on 15th October to mark all the lives lost far too early.

I’ve been working with the incredible Caz Taylor from present concierge service Taylor’d Bundles for a few months and baby loss is a subject particularly close to her heart. In fact, it was a present she received as she was going through her darkest days that was the inspiration for her to start her own business.

She’s just published a piece on Huff Post with some ideas on what helps and doesn’t help when you’re going through such a terrible time. I’ve certainly learnt a lot from this piece and hopefully it will help others too.

She’s also giving away a lovely ‘I’ve got your back’ angel wings top through her Instagram, which is a beautifully curated account.

Sending love to all those who need it most.

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Five inventions the world is definitely missing

InventionsIt’s 8.14pm. I’m lying on the bed gently overheating in my new furry slippers, laptop optimistically open and my work emails up but I’m actually starting to daydream because I’m tired. A day in London does that now – packing in five meetings, a snatched lunch and a rush to and from the station. But I enjoy it, punctuating my month with a slice of the capital.

Now late September, school is officially underway and half term discos, books at bedtime and Trick or Treating are already hovering on the horizon. I’m not quite sure where the last few weeks have gone but they’ve hopped, skipped and jumped past me, leaving behind only vague memories of Facebooked school uniform photos and the name tag ironing frenzy.

My work emails are still open (it’s 8.22pm now) and instead of following up with my meeting notes I’m thinking about inventions that would help improve my life. Here are a few that spring to mind:

  • Non-colour-mixing playdoh – no more inevitable green, sludgy mess – playdoh yellow is always bright and fresh and the special edition pink sparkle version stays forever pink and sparkly
  • A wearable hair dryer – so I can wander around upstairs hands-free in the morning supervising the children as they hide and refuse to get dressed
  • The school uniform folder-upper and hanger-upper (because Scrip clearly doesn’t understand the concept) which doubles as a clean clothes sorter and distributor (there’s a theme here)
  • Never-ending cereal – to avoid the endless squabbles over the last three Shreddies
  • The shoe auto-organiser (why is there always one child’s shoe missing?)

It’s 8.32pm and I think my curfew might be 9pm tonight. I’ll be dreaming of hairdryers, cereal and playdoh.

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Wednesday wisdom: why writing with a pen is better for learning

I thought this was interesting – apparently writing is better for your brain than typing. I suppose I thought that might be the case, and I know how important it is for Scrip to master her loopy whoosh-in, whoosh-outs, but now it’s been proven. I write blogs, emails (obviously) and documents straight onto my computer, but if I need to plan something out I always reach for a big blank sheet and a biro. Here’s why it’s better:

  • Research has shown a positive correlation between better handwriting skills and increased performance in reading and writing. In a report, having good fine motor skills like those you use writing often helped a child outperform their classmates in both English and Maths.
  • More parts of the brain are stimulated when we put pen to paper than using a keyboard. It is a mindful activity that helps focus attention and hones the fine motor skills. MRI scans of 5 year-olds have shown a reading circuit being created in a child’s mind during letter perception only after handwriting.
  • Then there were university students who took part in a study to see if there was a difference between those taking notes longhand and those using keyboard related devices. The findings demonstrated that note taking with a pen has a clear effect on a student’s learning. Note takers edit the information when they write it down where as those who took notes on a laptop typed verbatim. When it came to recalling information from the lecture and answering conceptual questions, the writers had a better recall and understanding.

So next time the windows steam-up in yet another traffic jam on route to Cornwall, write words on the windows and get the kids to trace letters with their fingers. Passing time and growing the brain, traffic can sometimes be good for your health…

The pen is not just mightier than the sword, but mightier than the keyboard. And here’s an infographic from National Pen with more (just a shame it’s not hand-written).

handwriting_infographic

I wasn’t sent anything in return for this – it just caught my eye.

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Building from the bottom up: extending

Building an extensionI feel like life here has been like the weather – sunny and bright one minute, dark, grey and raining hard the next. We’ve had good news and terrible news in quick succession and although we’ve still got a lot to be grateful for, it’s been a difficult time.

It’s good to have something mundane to look forward to, and in our case that’s our building work finishing. Even if it has taken a while.

I’ve actually had lovely builders which is particularly important when you work from home and have small children running around half-naked, tripping over breeze blocks. In fact, D thinks (hopes) that our two main builders, Lionel and Nick, are moving into our house with us. Namely into the new office space. Well, we are planning to put a daybed in there so it’s not totally out of the question.

We’ve had delays and some unexpected costs, discontinued blocks, screed breaching (it’s a new thing), and a lot of dust everywhere that settles just as quickly as we can hoover, but I’m not losing sight of the fact that at the end of it we’ll have more space, an area for children’s toys (hooray!), a guest room and a dedicated office. My kitchen table working will be no more.

We’re very lucky to be able to do this and we’re thankful for that. Sometimes you need something solid to focus on and this is it. Cheers to bricks and mortar.

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A poem for my children: You’re always everywhere

 always everywhereYou’re my painted nail, sparkly and bright
With childish varnish that peels and curls
You’re the school bells ringing when I drop you at school
And you rush to the other blue-checked girls

You’re the plastic knife and fork and melamine plate
The chocolate buttons and hidden sweets
Which you sometimes remember, with a doe-eyed smile
And list the reasons you deserve some treats

And you, my youngest, you’re the tractor book
The plastic digger that sits on the chair
You’re the paddling pool, the bucket and spade
The tiny shoes, the panda bear

You’re the dried apricots, the strawberry jam
The crackers and the rice cakes (pleeease)
You’re the big chair, not high chair anymore
The plum tomatoes, the special cheese

You’re both the sofa without your shoes
The shared rainbow rug at the end of the day
The swings in tandem, the sprinkly hose
The squeals of laughter as you play

You’re the cartoon pen, the star-shaped rubber
You’re the family picture, neatly drawn
You’re both a part of me and us
You’ve been firmly there since the day you were born.

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Remember what we teach our kids – a poem on election day

RememberWe teach our children from early on
That although they are our number one
There are others around – so share your toys
You’re one of many girls and boys
Be helpful and patient, gentle and kind
No matter what response you find
And if a child in front trips and falls
Don’t walk straight past and ignore the calls
Stop and help, check they’re OK
Even if others turn away
And if a new boy or girl joins the class that day
Find out their name, see if they want to play
And we hope these manners, this way to behave
Will stay with them always, make them good and brave

But it occurred to me this election day
That this doesn’t seem to be the way
That our country’s run – it’s not about sharing
It’s not about loving, supporting and caring
The current agenda doesn’t fit
With these kind of morals, not one little bit
I have no time for those that say
That investing in people isn’t the way
And that really to benefit you and me
We need five more years of austerity
It’s not only unjust, it hasn’t worked
Although that truth has been conveniently shirked

So let’s remember what we learnt when we were small
Not to think only of ourselves but of us all

It’s not strong or stable and it’s not at all funny
When morals are abandoned for the sake of making money

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Striking a balance: free-play Fridays

BalanceHow often do I talk about striking a balance? A balance between family and work; a balance between looking after the children and my own time (which is inevitably becoming work time), a balance between the children having structured activities and playing themselves; a balance between treat foods and healthy foods. The list goes on.

I made a decision recently to stop D’s swimming lessons. I was initially really keen to carry them on – particularly having seen all those older toddlers in the class above him happily splashing about and doggy paddling their way to their five metre badges. And because we could – it being on one of our two days off together a week – it felt like we should make the most of it.

The problem was, he wasn’t happily splashing around. In fact he was in tears before we left the house, sobbing when we arrived and clinging to me like a limpet when we were in the pool. He hadn’t always been like this but certainly had for a few months and it wasn’t getting any better. So when the swimming venue was due to change I decided to have bit of a pause.

Our first Friday felt strangely long and unstructured. We stopped off in the local tea shop and ambled our way back home. We had a snack, read some books, did some drawing…and it was still only 10.30am! I had a strange feeling – a feeling I hadn’t had since the baby months. What should we actually be doing together?

I don’t consider myself to be someone who fills their time with classes, play dates and activities but I wonder if that’s become my comfort zone over the last year. I work three days, Scrip has tennis on Tuesday evenings, I help run our local Toddler group every Wednesday and I suppose Friday was swimming. Naps are usually at home and at the same time.

Having a routine and sticking to it helps me a lot, I think. Particularly during busy times. But I was starting to rely on it and losing sight of why D and I were having time together in the first place.

Now Fridays are now free-play for the foreseeable future (with the odd post office trip thrown in). It’s actually nice to not be rushing off somewhere and limiting D’s playtime. We do puzzles and reading together when it’s not about filling a gap. It’s made me realise we don’t actually have that much time playing, just the two of us.

It’s definitely easier to just hang out in the summer with the garden to roam around but I’m not sure what winters will look like. I’d like to go back to swimming at some point but in the meantime I’ll be focusing on enjoying our time together – especially if it really is, as I’m intending it to be, just the two of us.

Guest post: Keeping the magic alive? A grandparent’s dilemma

Children's MagicTwo birthdays and countless chocolate eggs meant Easter was packed full of fun. It was also full of magic – or was it?! My dad, aka Grandy, shares his dilemma on keeping the magic alive for his grandchildren versus trying to keep it real.

Grandchildren pose all sorts of problems and dilemmas, particularly to a simple soul like me. In the rosy glow of retrospect raising children seemed simpler years ago.  Should I tell my granddaughter she is pretty? That she is clever? Interestingly I have no difficulty in telling her she has been naughty!  Should I encourage my grandson in his boisterous games or should I be developing his gentler side?  Is ‘grandparent spoiling’ undermining parental authority?

However all these issues paled into insignificance recently when a truly moral dilemma emerged.  It all started innocently enough. Scrip was pretending to be two magical unicorns – one at a time obviously – as well as herself and each time she appeared I had to ask to whom I was speaking: Daisy Unicorn,  Ruby Unicorn or Scrip.  Scrip was given magical powers via a fairy wand by the unicorns and we ‘saw’ non-frightening mythical figures appear and disappear in a friendly fashion with every wave of the wand and  Scrip’s appropriate incantation.

Somehow this morphed into ‘reality’ as Scrip decided that her magical powers were such that she could make toast in the toaster and lo and behold she did – not realising that innocently a piece of bread was already gently browning there! She was so excited that I didn’t like to tell her what had really happened – a vivid imagination and suspension of disbelief is after all a blessing in my world.

Others then joined in and Scrip was able to make a flower in a vase in the kitchen disappear and re-appear by ‘recharging’ her wand in another room after each incantation. All this to her great excitement and delight. So far so good; although I did feel slightly shame-faced about playing on her youthful naivety but her delight and enjoyment allowed met put those feeling aside.

As mid-morning was approaching Scrip then went off and got dressed – ours is far from a formal house – although I hasten to add I was setting a good practical example as I was already fully dressed and showered! The moral dilemma first appeared when a thoughtful Scrip sat with her mid morning cocoa and said: ‘ Did I really magic those things or were you tricking me?’

I felt I had to tell the truth despite the fact that it would disappoint her, not just because she wasn’t really able to work magic but also because it revealed me as duplicitous and might undermine further trust in me and indeed the others who had  been part of the magic session.  I said that I hadn’t meant to be mean but admitted that I had ‘helped the magic tricks along’.  Her face fell and she made off without a word leaving me wondering what was the right answer to her question or indeed whether I should have allowed a situation to arise where she could ask such a question.

My confusion was made worse later when Scrip’s Mum and Aunt said, in front of Scrip, that they were really surprised that I had tried to fool Scrip by telling her that she hadn’t worked real magic! What was I thinking, of course the magic was real? Scrip looked on apparently relishing my being exposed as a fraud. What was I to say? Damned if I agreed with my daughters’ accusations; damned if I stuck by my assertion that the magic wasn’t real.

Feebly I argued that I had simply agreed with Scrip’s doubts since ‘honesty is the best policy’ but I am far from sure that in this instance it was. Is there an absolute set of rules to be followed when interacting with the young or are all rules relative?  Answers on a post card please…

11 reasons why I love babysitting as a grown-up

BabysittingI still remember the feel of my first £20 note which was payment for babysitting as a teenager – £20! We were ferried to our parents’ friends’ houses and back, we got to play with the children, stay up late legitimately and, if we were lucky, they’d even have a few good videos in their original plastic boxes for us to watch.

Now I’m part of a babysitting circle in the village I’ve been enjoying babysitting all over again – but for rather different reasons (and with no crisp £20s in sight). This is a great system, though. It’s all token-based and was set up by my rather clever friend. So now we can babysit and in turn get a sitter ourselves for free.

Here’s why I’ve been enjoying babysitting as a grown-up:

  1. Somehow it’s less stressful if someone else’s child wakes up rather than your own
  2. And generally they don’t – they’re usually tucked up in bed fast asleep and cosy
  3. You get to choose what you watch on TV, whether you’re in the mood for Friends re-runs or an ITV drama (just nothing too scary for me!)
  4. Other people’s recorded films are always so much better than yours
  5. And other people’s snacks are always superior – posher crisps and double chocolate cookies. Mmmm
  6. Not to mention fruit teas! I rarely drink them at home but I love a lemon, ginger and honey infusion at someone else’s house
  7. I can sit in front of the TV on my laptop and do a bit of work or blog or just Google random 80s children’s TV (my husband’s not a fan of me doing this which is probably fair enough)
  8. It’s nice to sit on someone else’s comfortable sofa for a change
  9. They might even have a magazine or two lying around and I might even have a chance to flick through the pages
  10. I’ve also met lots of new people through our babysitting circle and everyone’s local to us
  11. And best of all, you get the chance to earn tokens for your own night out – we’re even threatening a cinema trip one of these days…

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Treating and being treated: Mother’s Day

Mother's DayI’ve sent off my card (a beautiful one from local stationers Needle & Fred) and my sisters and I are planning a joint present for the best mother I know 🙂

In terms of my wish list for Mother’s Day? I’d say these rank pretty highly:

  • Breakfast in bed (preferably involving poached eggs)
  • A hot cup of tea and a magazine
  • A lie in (a realistic one – I’m talking 8am rather than early afternoon)
  • A long bath with no small children helpfully sharing their plastic toys which I’ve already tried to hide
  • (See how many of these revolve around relaxation?…)
  • A lovely sunny day
  • Some time in the garden
  • No whining before 9am (again, realistic – I’m not asking for miracles)

I would obviously love a grand gesture (hint, hint) but small treats are just as special. Baylis & Harding sent me some Mother’s Day treats which I hope might put a smile on my Mum’s face, are spot on to aid relaxation and can still be ordered in time for the weekend.

Baylis & Harding candle Baylis & Harding Tin  Baylis & Harding Socks

I thought the candle in particular was lovely and would fit into a bathroom or a bedroom very stylishly – I was surprised it only came in at £15 (it’s really large). The enamel tin is packed with goodies as well as doubling up as a planter. And the luxe socks are always a nice addition and are beautifully soft, plus I love the name of the range – Pink Prosecco & Cassis. Gives me some other ideas for pressies!…

I hope you have a restful Mother’s Day and get treated as I’m sure you deserve to be.

Thanks to Baylis & Harding for sending the goodies which were:

Linen Rose & Cotton Large Single Wick Candle, £15 from House of Fraser
Pink Prosecco & Cassis Luxury Foot Set, £8 from Amazon
Linen Rose & Cotton Bathing Essentials Tin, £30 from Argos

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